So, first off, let me apologize to both of my readers for the lack of posts recently. I realize you're both used to this, as I don't typically post on here that much, but it's been an exceptionally long time since I last submitted. I know you've been writhing in absolute agony at my absence.
Now for the one who may not know it, I've been quite busy with a few things these past two months. Namely, getting accepted to law school (or 'Seminary', as I like to call it, because Law is truly the highest calling, and most noble of professions...), and then packing my shit up and moving away from my beloved Emerald City to begin the mental boot camp experience that is Seminary.
You see, Friends and Neighbors, I have spent the past two years attempting to gain access to the esteemed Monastery (the private one, not the public one- when it comes to this endeavor, I can't be bothered to rub elbows with the common folk) in the Java City. Unfortunately, the Abbots of Acceptance and Approval at that particular institution were not completely convinced that I could pass muster at their little abbey, so I was placed on the so called "Wait List," a literal Purgatory for plebes like myself who are eager and willing to do just about anything to drink from the Well of Knowledge present within the innermost sanctums of those hallowed halls. I was placed on the List two years running, and realizing that my time, patience and chances were quickly running out on me, I took the only opportunity open to me, and moved (according to MSN's 'Streets and Trips') 3058 miles away to the burg of Harris, nestled in the wooded hills and dales of one of the original Thirteen Colonies, in order to join the ranks of like minded Acolytes to pursue the studies of the esteemed Preisthood.
The irony is my hidden agenda in making such a choice. You see, I fully intend to kick some fucking academic ass out here on the Eastern seaboard so that I might re-apply to the Castle on the Hill on the Western shores next year. And if everything goes as planned, I'll be packing my shit up, and driving back across this wide and variegated land, to resume my studies nearer to the Ranch, and those dearest to my heart.
Of course, this whole educational process is designed to rip out whatever heart I might actually posses, cast it upon the charred earth and grind it into ash under the jack boots of my scholars. But that's a another tale for another day.
So after driving hell bent for leather to arrive in this fair hamlet (and receiving only one speeding ticket along the way), I have completed my first week of classes. And while I realize it's VERY early in the whole process, I have to say: I fucking LOVE it!! Finally, I get to engage in scholarly argumentation and debate with people in a purely ACADEMIC context; rather than listen to my clients, Adversaries, and even my peers and superiors at the Ranch, piss and moan about their "Real Life" problems.... Belch. I realize that this will most likely begin to pale pretty quickly as the work load grows exponentially, and the competition amongst the plebes becomes ever more cut throat, but for the time being, I am finally realizing the goals and dreams I have worked so hard for over the past few years. I have finally set foot upon that path that Mr. Frost spoke so lovingly of, and I am almost ecstatic at the thought. That is, until I look over the pile of reading and writing I have before me which must be completed in the next 36 hours.
And unbelievable as it may sound, I have not set foot inside a bar in over three weeks... Un-BUCKING-believable!!
But all this is merely a preamble to my first Seminary anecdote, which follows. And while I will strive to contribute to this folio on a more frequent basis, I must adopt the mantra of my chosen profession, and state clearly: I make no promises.
--------------------
"What Would Jacques Do?"
I ended up being made an example of on the first night of class, and I'm pretty sure that my entire section now knows my name. The Civil Procedure (Civ Pro)prof decided to run us through a "hypo" (hypothetical question/problem) regarding the "Horrible Neighbor", of which I was the subject. She took a poll to see who was from out of town, called on me and upon hearing I was from so far away, directed the group to "adopt and take pity on me, because I was going to need a social network." In the hypo, I had come home from class to discover that my neighbor had broken into my apartment, stolen all my beer, my "expensive stereo," taken my Civ Pro class notes and left my refrigerator open, thereby spoiling all my food. The first question to the class was: What was Jacques going to do in response to the violation and damage? I promptly raised my hand and answered that I would first go to the store to replenish my supply of beer, then go next door and break my neighbor's kneecaps...
The discussion continued for about an hour, where we broke up into small groups to decide "what should Jacques do..."
Yes, I think I'm making friends quickly...
