The Dirge

The Ranch had it's yearly roundup and rodeo recently and I was called to make the long trek back to attend. Great!! On top of everything they're throwing at me in Seminary, I've now got to head out overland to play rodeo-clown games with my bosses and colleagues. Like I've really got the time to spare.

The truth be told, these things are usually a pretty good time. Plus, the Honcho always picks up the tab(s). And he's a big fan of quality AND quantity. So sure, I'll take a long weekend back home, see some friends, have a good time...

Well, with all that's been going on at the Ranch this past month, especially my client load literally doubling overnight, I thought some levity would be a good idea. So I get an idea to write a little ditty I could use as a toast at the traditional Friday evening hoe-down. I kicked that idea around for a few days, and over the course of another week, came up with this.


Requiem for the New Guy
By Jacques Roux

There was a fine stronghold
Nestled in the Nor’west,
Who’s honor glowed brightly
With reputation the best.


It’s future was strong,
And full of big dreams.
The staff a stout cadre
Who worked as a team.


The causes were plenty
The revenue did flow.
Expansion was needed
The syndicate must grow.


The inquiry started
The net cast far and wide.
A person good hearted
With valor bona fide.


The applicants assembled
Not quite a brigade,
By audit the list dwindled
Reviewed by parade.


But finally a choice
A decision was made,
A man with experience
Did make the good grade.


A soul mate in arms
We thought we had found.
Too bad his defects
Were so dearly profound.


His staunch work ethic
Did prove to be lacking.
Deceit and inept
We sent him a-packing.


He failed to achieve
Our high, worthy standard.
Asleep on his feet
He frequently pandered.


Chicanery proved
His final undoing.
At once was removed
The lies were accruing.


Stern warnings were clear
Never darken our door,
Gross neglect and defect
We’d suffer no more.


Adieu and goodbye
Farwell and so long,
No tear will we cry
Now that you are gone.

-------
Unfortunately, the whole 'New Guy Affair', as it's come to be called, was far more vast, insidious and repugnant than I was previously aware. As a result, the troops were quite downtrodden and preoccupied, so the comedic payoff was not quite as great as I had hoped.

I should have known better anyway. The New Guy never was that funny to begin with...