I should have been a plumber.

So the New Guy comes in to my cell here at the Ranch this morning with this interesting question:

"So what do you think the significance is when a doctor mentions his patient has a 'prominent cervix' twice in his records?"

Well, luckily he caught me pretty early in the day, before I'd had to dance with any of my Adversaries, so I was only mildly irritated at the interruption. As a result, I took advantage of the "training opportunity" to educate this good intentioned underling.

Now the kind of work we do here at the Ranch doesn't often involve the tasty tidbits of the female of the species, so I was wondering what the point was in the first place. I mean, other than sharing this observation in a juvenile form or male bonding, he should have seen the references, read them, and then moved on. These particular notes have no real bearing on the task I had assigned him. But here he was, and I was obligated to provide a thoughtful and considerate response.

So I pulled out the heftiest medical tome I have sitting handy. It's quite a nice resource, what with a great amount of information presented and a copious number of detailed drawings and diagrams of various parts of the human body and its various parts for further clarification. And I looked up "cervix" to see if there was any mention of the significance of a "prominent cervix."

Well, there was the standard definition which described this particular piece of anatomy one would expect in a resource such as this. But in addition, there was a very detailed drawing which showed, in great detail, the cross section of a female's anatomy from about mid-belly down to mid-thigh, and which provided a very clear representation of the location, size and function of said cervix. I pointed this out to the New Guy, and he observed, while pointing to the diagram with his finger:

"So that's where the eggs float down."

Now, a little background for you Friends and Neighbors: This guy is a married man in his mid 30's with a 5 year old son, and another baby on the way. So I'm thinking he should know better. But, I take it easy on him. Remember, I haven't had to go to war yet this morning. So I explain (trying not to sound condescending, which is pretty much impossible for me):

"No, the cervix is the opening to the uterus that the sperm swim through after being deposited into the vaginal canal. The egg "floats" down the Fallopian tube to the uterus where it gets fertilized by the sperm. Once fertilized, it attaches to the uterine lining and grows into happy, healthy baby."

"Oh," he says. "I see." He seems to actually have learned something here...

"Didn't you ever go to your sex ed class, New Guy?" I asked playfully?

"No, not really. Or I wasn't paying enough attention, I guess. Thanks."

And as he's walking out of my cell, I make one last comment:

"Well, when you spend as much time as I have, face first in all that goodness, it pays to know what's going on with the plumbing. You might want to keep that in mind if you want to keep that good looking wife of yours happy for the next 20 years."


I can't wait to meet his wife at the Ranch's next function...